Girlfriend thinks my daughter is a ‘jacket’

Dear Pastor,

I would like to hear what you have to say on this matter that I want to put forward to you. I get paid every week and I take my money home. My girlfriend saves for me.

She has helped me to learn to read. I don't have any bank book for myself, so she puts my money along with hers in her account. Whenever I need something, she buys it for me.

I have one daughter who is 15 years old, but my girlfriend does not like her. She said that my daughter is a 'jacket' and she doesn't have anything for me; she doesn't resemble me and she doesn't look like anyone in my family. But this was the only child who was 'given to me', even though I played around with many women.

My mother told me long ago that if a woman says that I am the father of her child and I know that I went with this woman, I should accept the child. My mother told me also that some people said that I didn't resemble anybody on my father's side when I was born. But my father accepted me as his son, and as I grew older, I looked just like him and I talk like him. So my daughter can change.

Now that my daughter has turned 15, she does not like to come to the house because my girlfriend shows her bad face. I have to be telling my girlfriend that my daughter needs school uniforms or a pair of shoes, so I can't give her all the money. My girlfriend has a habit of saying that I have to go and eat at my daughter's mother for the week, because I am shortening the money that she should get.

I told my daughter that whenever she needs something from me, she should come to my workplace and I will give her money from my pay. The only problem now, Pastor, is that the company is going to lodge money to my account, but I don't have one.

Initial Withheld

Dear Writer,

Discuss this matter with the company where you work and ask the management team to help you to open an account.

Tell them, also, that you would love your daughter's name to be on the account. However, you should also advise the woman with whom you are living, because it would be convenient for the bank to send your money straight to an account. You have to learn to read and to help yourself. If you have siblings, they can be of great help to you.

It is unfortunate that the woman with whom you are living does not show much love to your daughter. She should not be saying that the daughter is a jacket, even if she feels that way. Whether that is so or not, you have accepted this girl as your own, so treat her well. Continue to support her, and please let me know how the relationship with your girlfriend and you is going, and whether your daughter is making good progress at school.

Pastor