Side chick’s man caught me in the house

Dear Pastor,

I am 24 and I got myself into trouble. Before I got married, I had a girlfriend and we used to have sex very often. I used to sleep at her house when her boyfriend was not in the island.

He used to travel often, so we always planned to spend the time together when he was away. This girl even got pregnant for me because the condom broke, and when she realised that she was pregnant, it was too late to get an abortion. Anyway, she lost the baby. I told her that that was a sign for us to stop playing around. She said it was hard for her to stop, because she enjoyed making love to me more than with her boyfriend.

My girlfriend is a professing Christian and she lives with her parents and siblings, but this girl lives with her boyfriend and feels lonely when he is not here. She called me one evening and told me that I should come over because her man was leaving the island. While I was there, someone called her number; it was her boyfriend. I heard when he asked, "Where are you?" and she told the person, "I am at home." He said, "Open the door." He was right at the grille.

I hurriedly put on my clothes and I tried to hide; I was shaking. The man wanted to know why she took so long to open the grille. He came in and asked, "Who is here with you?" She said, "Nobody". I was trying to hide behind the door. He asked, "Whose shoes are those?" So I came out and faced him. He grabbed his girlfriend and told her that he was going to beat her. I intervened and told him that he would have to beat me, too. I told him I could explain. So I made up a story, but he told me I was talking foolishness. He then told her that he was finished with her and she could stay with me.

This girl has three children, so I couldn't leave her. I decided to stay and help her. I thought the man was gone, but he was in his car. He was sitting there until daybreak. She had to go to work and I had to go home. So I told her to get ready, I called a taxi and we both left. She had to beg him not to create a scene, because he started to shout. He called her a whore and a couple of people in the complex looked out. I made up my mind that I would have to defend the girl. She went to work and in the evening before going home, she had the locks changed.

I had to lie to my girlfriend, but the situation is nasty because this is not the way I wanted my relationship to end.

This man found out where I was living and where I worked. He tried to create problems for me at work, but my boss told him that he did not get involved with employees' love lives. I honestly need your advice.

R.W.

Dear R.W.,

Did this man suspect that his girlfriend was cheating on him with you and that is why he came back to the house?

From the tone of your letter, I would like to believe that it was not just coincidence. Perhaps someone told him that you were at this woman's house very often and he decided to check it out for himself.

I am glad that you did not get into a big fight with this man. I hope that you are going to support her children, because it would be unfair to walk away and leave her penniless. If you were planning to get married to your girlfriend, why were you still carrying on this monkey business with another man's woman? This woman has three children. She wanted help with them, and so she didn't care whether you had a stable girlfriend or not. You have spoilt the relationship with your girlfriend. Now what are you going to tell her?

The woman told you that you are sweeter than her man; you should learn that women will tell men just about anything when they want money. I am going to suggest that you come clean to your girlfriend; tell her that you were naughty and you cheated, but you are ashamed. Tell her you would like her forgiveness. But please, don't tell her that the woman told you that she enjoys having sex with you more, because she would chase you away. You might as well get down on your knees and beg her to take you back.

I wish you well in this matter. I hope you realise that you are very fortunate that this man who caught you with his woman didn't 'out your light', if you know what I mean.

Pastor