Brother refuses to give me back my $1 million

Dear Pastor,

I am begging you for your advice. I am 25 and I have one son with my husband. He works very hard and he is very generous.

He supports me very well. I am working, but he pays the major bills in the house. Apart from that, he gives me money and tells me to put away some of it as personal savings. I have been doing so for the last three and a half years.

About a year ago, one of my brothers asked me to give him a loan. I asked him why he wanted money from me and he said it was personal. I told him that I did not have any money; it was my husband's money. But then he came back to me and told me that his girlfriend was not well and she would have to do surgery.

I considered what he said and decided that I would help him. He said I did not have to fear, he would pay me back within seven months because he is paying partner and he has two hands in it.

I talked to my mother about it and she said he is my brother and his girlfriend is a lovely girl who would soon be a part of our family, so I should help him. After three months, I asked him if he had not yet got a partner draw and he became very upset and said I was pressuring him.

I told him I did not see it that way because the understanding was that he has two hands in the partner and he would pay me back the full amount in seven months. It is now more than a year and he has not given me a cent. So I decided to ask him again and he said I should just wait and not harass him.

UPSET

My brother looked at me and said he knows that I don't have to get back that money because my husband is in a good job and I should remember that he used to help me with bus fare to attend school. I was very upset by what he said. I asked my mother to talk to him. She did not hold back; she cursed him.

Now he neither speaks to my mother or to me and I have not said a word to my husband about the arrangement I made with him. My husband does not even know that my brother borrowed money from me. What is hurtful is that he has never told us whether his girlfriend did the surgery.

We believe that he was lying about the surgery. We believe that he blew the money on another woman. I should have kept my money. That is why it is not always a wise thing to lend relatives money. I feel hurt. Do you think I should tell my husband what I did? The man borrowed $1.2 million from me. Dear Pastor, what should I do?

L.

Dear L.,

I regret hearing that your brother is behaving like a con man. I have thought long and hard about what you said, and many may not agree with what I am about to say, but I will say it anyway.

Right now, you should consider the $1.2 million that you lent your brother as a loss. He may pay you back the money, but his present attitude shows that you may never get it back. So consider the loan dead. I know you are not encouraged by what I have said; perhaps some folks may say that I should remind you that whatever money that is lent should be done in writing. But you did not expect your brother to not keep his word. I will go further; I am not prepared to encourage you to inform your husband about the loan. He will not be pleased and may be very annoyed with you because it is his hard-earned money.

Do not say anything more to your mother unless she asks you whether your brother has given you any part of the loan. Tell her not to say anything because you do not want to stir up any animosity in the family. Your brother has been behaving like a very dishonest man. He is silly because the day may come when he will truly be in need of help and he will not be able to come back to you for assistance.

Pastor