My mother-in-law dislikes me

Dear Pastor,

I am 30 and I am a hard-working woman. I fell in love with a young man some years ago. He did not have a good education. I did better than this man in school. But he loved me. He grew up with his mother in one room. He asked me whether I would really consider him to be my boyfriend. I told him that my father might not accept him because he expected me to bring home somebody he could be proud of. Anyhow, I went out with him a few times and I was impressed with him.

I encouraged him to get another job; he was a bearer. I told my boss about him and he helped him to get another job. I left my parents’ home and rented a house just because I wanted this man to move out of the room he was living in with his mother. I should also say that they were living in a very depressed area.

The mother said she was not going to leave, and he should not let a woman rule him. So he left her and came to live with me. Then, some violence took place in his area, so he told his mother that he was coming for her. We had two bedrooms. He didn’t allow her to take anything except her clothes. When the residents realised that she had left, they moved in. We bought her everything new. But this woman never loved me. I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t hurt her in any way, but she did not love me.

My boyfriend told her that she could cook her own meal, but every weekend we cooked, so she did not have to. She didn’t have any bills to pay. Due to carelessness on my part, I missed my period and my boyfriend went to do farm work overseas. The woman told me she wanted to go back to where she was living, so I could not stop her. I told my boyfriend what she said, and he said I should allow her, if that is what she wanted. I took in one of my younger sisters because I didn’t want to live alone.

My boyfriend was excited when he realised that I was pregnant. But this wicked woman told him that the child was not his, and that while she was living at the house, different men used to visit me. Nothing like that happened. I had more respect for myself and for my boyfriend’s mother. The only man who came to the house was my father, who, occasionally, brought ground provisions for me.

The time came for me to give birth, and my sister did everything to assist me. My boyfriend told me that I should call his mother and tell her that I had the baby. I did, but she never showed any interest. Finally, she showed up one Sunday evening but did not spend more than 15 minutes. She called my boyfriend and told him that she knows that the child is a ‘jacket’.

That caused me to hate the woman. When my boyfriend came back, and we made arrangements for the child to be christened, we did not invite her. Our child is now five years old and he does not know her. Her son and I got married two years ago, but we did not invite her to the wedding. My husband said he wanted her to come, but I did not agree.

A.

Dear A.,

It is unfortunate that you do not have a good relationship with your mother-in-law.

But I beg you to forgive her for her foolish behaviour. This woman has her reason for not liking you. Perhaps she sees you as someone who would take her son away from her and that she would not get the financial support that she expected from him. She went too far when she told her son that you had another man and that he was not responsible for your pregnancy. Evidently, she was doing everything to destroy the relationship you had with her son.

Well, it did not work, and you and this man got married. How unfortunate that she was not invited to the wedding. Men generally want to see their mothers at their weddings. You didn’t want her there, and, so to please you, her son did not invite her. The christening of a child is a big thing for some people, but she did not witness that either. Well, I suppose that if she really believed that it was not her son’s child, she would not have wanted to attend.

Now, hear me my sister, learn to forgive this woman. Suggest to your husband that for the Christmas or the New Year period, she is invited to your house. Treat her royally. Give her Christmas gifts from your husband, your child and yourself. By inviting her, she would know that you have forgiven her for everything she has said and done to you, and that you hold no animosity against her. If you know her date of birth, make sure that you and your husband call her; call her on Mother’s Day, also.

I hope you seriously consider what I have said to you, and I wish you well.

Pastor