Mom hid my real dad’s identity for years

Dear Pastor,

I have a situation I would like to explain to you. I am a 33-year-old nurse. I grew up with my mother and the man I was told was my father.

I had three siblings but they used to call me 'bastard'. I did not look like my alleged father. My mother used to rebuke my siblings when they called me bastard. But, apart from that, we all went to school and did well. We all have fairly good jobs.

Some years ago, my mother's sister told me that she knows my real father and that I am old enough to know the truth. I was combing my mother's hair and I told her what my aunt said. I observed tears in her eyes. She said she was always planning to explain to me what happened, so I stopped combing, wiped her face, and told her that I will not repeat what she was about to say. She told me she had an affair with my real father, who got her pregnant. But she couldn't make that known because she was already living with another man and had two children by him. So my aunt is the only one to whom she told the truth. They kept it as a secret. My real father bought everything she needed to have the baby, but the other man did not know that he spent money on her. Sometimes they met at the service station that he owns and he gave her money. But they did not carry on the affair after I was born.

My mother got married to my siblings' father but everybody said that I look different. He died a few years ago and we all attended his funeral. Now my biological father is ill. He has asked me to pardon him for not coming forward and claiming me as his daughter but I told him I understand. He has never been married. He has a lovely home. I told him he should go to a nursing home and I will rent his house and help to pay the bills. He does not want that; he prefers to stay in his own home and I provide a nurse to take care of him. I do not know if that is the best thing to do, but that is what he wants.

I asked my mother if she would become his caregiver if he stays in his own house and she said yes. I don't think that people would criticise her for doing so, but it doesn't matter what people may say. I have found out that my father has made a will and he has given me the house. He has a son who lives in St James who he has not seen in many years. I don't know him but he has given him a piece of land in that parish. He said his name was called with a woman who was his girlfriend, so he would like to leave that piece of land for his son.

Do you think it is proper for my mother to become my father's caregiver? I am hoping to hear from you soon.

M.L.

Dear M.L.,

It seems to me that, when you became aware that this man was your biological father, you were happy to know the truth and what your siblings said did not affect you anymore.

Evidently, your mother is ca rrying a heavy load and she wanted you to know the truth, but she picked the correct time to tell you. I regret hearing that your father is not well, but I am happy that you are in a position to assist him. I suggest that, if your mother is willing to be his caregiver, you should not stand in the way. She would be paid for her service.

Your father is givin g you the house in which he lives. That would be a tremendous blessing for you. Try to reach out to the brother he told you about. Get to know him and have some fellowship with him. I wish you well.

Pastor